The Other Side of the World

Heading back home from a day at Silver Dollar City we crossed the bridge at Table Rock Dam. As we crossed you could see the Branson Bell out on the lake. I said " Hey, guys look at that! Do you see that BIG boat out on the lake?" Aidan replied, "HEY THAT LOOKS LIKE DADDY'S BOAT!" Then Allton,  "DADDY!!!!"  Alltons outstretched hands didn't make it any easier. I sighed and said "no guys that isn't daddy's boat. Daddy is in Singapore, on the other side of the world." "On the other side of the world" I said quietly to my self with another small sigh. Gripping the steering wheel in a desperate attempt to bring my self back from  mental travels, I realize how far "other side of the world" is. It is easy to go about your day, fill them up, count them down, slowly put them behind you.......but when you STOP.....it becomes a pill that is hard to swallow. It seems as though I have told myself that he is only an airplane flight away. At times I want to sit on the porch like a small child and wait for him to appear out of the distance, but I know I can't. I need to hold the fort down. I will tell myself, "Its only 8 more days." then I will suck it up and start moving forward once again until that wondrous day that we get to go PICK UP DADDY! :)

Breath. It's a new day.

Trying to compose your self under pressure isn't easy. I for one am terrible at this. I would like to fool myself into thinking that the only people that know this are Close friends, My best friends, and the occasional family member. Sounds like to many all ready. lol I am sure it is more like anyone I come in contact with that day.
We are constantly trying to plead our case in hopes of some reinforcement for our actions. However we fail to forget that we are still human and still surrounded by this world that could care less if we are good moms or bad moms. But make NO mistake they WILL tell you if they think you aren't upholding their standard of good. I am trying and that is all I can say today. I hope there are more that have those kinds of days.
When you wake up and you are sure that you just fell asleep, when you feel like hiding in a linen closet just to escape the circus, when you feel like all hope is lost and you can face another min.......... simply put yourself on auto pilot and know that tomorrow IS a NEW day! Gods grace is new each day and his mercy endures forever! So when you wake up and you feel like you can't do it all again today, just know that there is always someone out there wanting to take your place, who had to say goodbye to their little baby yesterday, who is in fear that they wont get to see their child ever again, or doesn't know where their baby is. Your day...MY day hasn't been that bad. My kids were sent to me for a blessing! God has said it in his word. He also tells us how to raise them so they can "rise up and call us blessed".  I love my children and I know they love me too. Thank you God for putting them in my life even though often times I would like to donate them to a Zoo. :)

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2:30 am we are up getting ready to head out the door to take Jeremy back to the airport. The slience is unsetteling, because you know that you are both thinking the same thing. "Is this job worth it?"  I try and keep calm and collected after tearing up over everything the evening before. All the thoughts that come to my mind are overwhelming and scary. I always have to remind my self that I will find my groove again and of all the things that I can get acomplished.
Jeremy is wondering around the house in a maner that sugests that he is going to forget something. He always gets up before the alarm to get ready and I am always the one trying to make it all last just a little longer. He tries to push things off untill the last minuite in a last ditch effort to make his stay at home seem longer. It never works.
Our biggest fear is the kids and how this job will effect them. They are all about their daddy! He cant leave their side when he is home. Our life is diffrent from most and it has its ups and downs.
The ride to the airport involves a lot of me passing out in the driver seat and looking like a druged out bobble head of some sort. Then I wake up and oppologise for falling asleep in out last few min together. Holding on to his arm untill it goes numb is always an option that I take FULL advantage of. Then we start to pull up to the airport.......I would like to scream out " YOU CANT HAVE HIM!" "HE IS OUR'S!" but then I remember just who I am and how I need to stay compossed for my family. Keep it together Christy!......That thought is always there. Then the time comes when he slowly gets out of the car....the kids start to realize jsut what is going on.....I feel a lump in my throught and my eyes begin to burn a little. I tell Jeremy "You are doing the right thing for your family." "We love you and will always be here for you when you come home." By this time we are all needing some one to hold us and a large box of puffs plus. He gives the kids a last hug and kiss good bye and then its my turn. I think if I hold on tight enough that he will decide that he cant go. Or maybe if I hold on long enough that I will feel his arms around me for the next 5 weeks, but it never works. The good bye kiss is the same way....Never long enough.
Ok now that I have made you all depressed..... I will say that all though it is really hard, we have the great blessing of getting to see just how important our time together really is. How pressious all the memories are that we make together. Never take your time with your family for granted.

There are bound to be days like this!

well today has been interesting to say the least. First I get pulled over on my way to WM because my tags are exspired again, (pretty sure this happened last year). They caught me 5 moths early this time. Just got a warning. whewww, thank the Lord! Then we go to WM run into somebody that knew me and I couldnt even think of where I saw her last. she talked to me for a good 10 min. Ok so I finally make it home. The earlier part of the afternoon was peoductive and nothing big really happened that I can remember. Then I go to get Aidan take then to the Jumpy Slide, and get some bad attitude from the kids. Ok so nomore Jumpy slide for a while. Then I came home again. Thought I would let the kids watch a show while I did a 20 min juilan workout (LOL LOL LOL) How far off could I be? No What I did get was two little boys working out with their mommy in Aidans room. Allton breathing hard with some hand weights and Aidan trying to do bicycle crunches.....tooo cute but at first it was really anoying! Then I read them a story put them to bed. Getting aidan tucked in made him laugh to much I guess and got puked on and his whole bed (which I had jsut changed the other day) had to be changed agian. LOL WHAT A DAY! LOL I hope you enjoyed this little saga of my day. Thought it would give you a good laugh.

UGGH

Well my eye is twiching! I cant stop this weather from coming....snow snow snow snow! UGGH  What I would give now to go on vacation. I know it is still winter I am aware, but lets not try to make up for winters past that have had little or no snow. I love my children but if I didnt have any major obligations right now I would just leave and go somewhere warm, workout, go shopping and tan. There how vain does that sound....   There has GOT to be someway around this weather and its life sucking effects. I can only clean the house so much before I get flat out tired of it. Well enough of my gripping I am going to get the kids out of the tub.....Please God help the snow to STOP NO MORE SNOW OR FREEZING TEMPS!

The Big Decision

Ok for most of us that are moms there is always a # in our heads of just how many children we want. Well I have been batteling this # for quite some time, just ask Jeremy or April...lol I tormented them almost on a daily basis of what I should do. Well I fianlly broke down and prayed about it. Jesus please, You know what I can and cant handle. You know my heart better than I do (wich is a relief). If I am not suposed to have another baby please take this desire from me. In Jesus name.
Well He did. Now dont get me wrong I still look at little girls and think what if, but that is as far as it goes. It no longer pleagues my mind. I asked my self about it everyday. TO look into the eyes of a little girl that was jsut like me....scary and so precious all at the same time. But now I am ok with that. For some reason I had told myself that just because I had  two kids that it made me less of a mom, 3 or more then you are a real mom, or since I only had boys. I am not sure where I get this stuff but that is just how I think. My house no longer holds a crib. I dont get to venture down the baby isle at the local stores anymore. Pretty soon I will not have to buy diapers any more (speaking in faith on that one). I think these are some of the reasons that I wanted another baby. My body and mind were jsut telling me it was time, but my heart wasnt in it. It is time for a new chapter in my life.
I have two beautiful boys and they are my world. I eat sleep and breath for them. I need them jsut as much as they need me. No matter how flustered I get with them they will always be my life.
Now for theme parks, soccer, little sticks, and family vacations with my FAMILY. Aidan, Allton, Jeremy, and Christy Lawson........The MOM of the whole parade. :)

My AM prayer

Well ok so I would like to say that I am thankful for Gods amazing grace! His mercy is new every morning. I love that everyday is REALLY a NEW day. God has all the answers and I am full of questions. I need Him more than the breath that I brethe. I dont think that people understand sometimes jsut how much this life takes out of us. When you wake up in the AM and your feet hit the floor it begins. I am going to try and pray before I even get out of bed in the AM. Start my day off right Lord. Give me more of you! I need to make a diffrence in Your kingdom! You saved me for a reason, not just to fill a pew. Give me endurance. Make me tough when I need to be and have a heart that can be soft when it needs to be. Put your love around me. Renew me everyday! I have a duty to my family and to anyone who is watching. I love you Jesus! You are my King! This is a NEW day and Glory be to God for it! Amen!

WARNING~!

The devil is roaming to and fro seeking whom he may devour! I am not giving him ANY glory by this post! It is just a SCREAMING Warning! Please feel my since of urgency. He is atacking the TRUTH because he knows his time is close and he cant stand the heat.....no pun intended. My feelings latley is that I've Got To Make IT! There is pleasure in sin for a season, but only for a season! There WILL be a day of Pentecost. Hang on saints we are almost there. If we have any questions now is the time for answers. How is my relationship with God?  How does He feel about me. Is my relationship with HIM strong enough to last through the storms and temptations that I will go through? I oftern put God in the parenting position because I relate to it so well, but not only is He my father, He is my judge, He is a the Lion of Juda, He is a creator, He is LORD! He is my master, He is my First love! Please Lord dont let me slip dont let me fall, if I do let it be into your hands. I would rather break than for Him to fall upone me crushing me into powder. Light a fire in me God. I have a family to think about. God love me enough to call me out when I need to be delt with. You know my heart better than I do. Thank God for that. No man can come to God unless he is drawn or called by God. I feel so blessed. Thank you God for filling me with the Holy Ghost for saving me. You did it for a reason so show me what you want me to do. IN JESUS NAME> It is never to late to be lost. I haven't made it yet.

Well I am learing and I dont think it is a bad thing, just painful most of the time. God has such BIG foot prints it is hard not to be swollowed up in them. lol I can remember how my mom would take care of me and how she was slways there to talk to. I know God just like that if not more so. I dont think I realize just how much He loves me but it feel so good to be able to jsut crawl into His arms and cry. Just hold me Lord while I cry. I know I dont do the best job and I know that you are dissapointed in me a lot, but you love me none the less. Thank you SOO much for being there for me. When this world throws stuff at me you are there to stand between its artilary and me and You take the blows from it just for me! Tears fill my eyes and you are there to comfort me. I am happy and you rejoice with me. I am exausted and you are there to relieve me. You are MY EVERYTHING, even when I have so mcuh going on and cant even muster the idea of doing another task you are in my mind. I love you! I could NOT EVER live without you, and your promise of NEVER leaving me is somthing I cling too everyday. Thank you for showing me truth and for loving me the way no one else can.

Romance

How may of us are wishing for "Movie Love" as a friend of mine calls it. I know I am! What is wrong with that? Well  if you let it go to your head, that is when it gets bad. But you CAN have that kinda love. You might have to put your self out there a little, and take those little things your husband does and ZOOM in on them a little. It is SO important that I take what I can from my marriage because if I dont it will take from me and then I will be left empty handed. I hate putting in investments but that is what marriage is all about. You put in prayer, love, stretch your neck out, do more that you have too, and that investment will reap some great benefits. I will be the first one to admit that I dont put in as much as I should. Jermey I am sorry! I love you with all my heart and dont want to think about life without you. And yes I would accept a massage and a candle light dinner. lol Not me giving the massage, making dinner and then lighting some candles my self.....

All in a days work....

Well Today was a good day. We made it to a nutrition apointment and found out we have problems. LOL Ya, come again...you have problems. THAT is RIGHT America we do. Anyway, after that we came home for Alltons nap and then off to Branson. The kids had a blast. Aidan won over 1000 tickets on one game. He freaked out. I was just trying to get rid of the rest of the $ on the card. It was a great time. Then off to the Olive Garden. YUMMM and that is all I need to say about that. Well that is pretty much it about the day. Full and rich of life.

NOT the perfect mom, NOT the perfect wife

I doubt that I will shock anyone with this news. I doubt that its even news at all, but I am NOT the perfect mother nor am I the perfect wife. And for this I am NOT sorry. I am just stating the facts. I don't think it is any wife or mothers job to be perfect. We just need to try our best. I have so much in me that I feel like I don't ever get to tap into. I sometimes blame other people, which is just the easy way out. Dreams are great things to have but sometimes I think that when we have to put them on hold we loss sight of them or just simply miss place them. I don't want anyone to think that I am asking for a different job. I LOVE my family and would never change jobs. Being a stay at home mom is a great challenge and a promotion from any other job that I can think of. However we are so worried about "Knowing it all" that we are afraid to admit that we have so much to learn. So I ask this question. What happens when we know it all? Well this truly will never happen. It NEVER has to ANYONE. Only God is the one that this has taken place with. Our life it like a library of books: adventures, biography's, romance novels (even if they are in our mind only)lol, "how to books" and so on. We need not worry about making sure people are aware that we " know it all". When they want to know they will simply come to this great library that you call  life and ask you if they may inquire about the book wich interest them the most. Meanwhile we need to not be afraid of taking it all in. Learning more and more each day. Making the most of what we can so us and the people around us can have a better and more fulfilling life. So to sum it up.....I am not the perfect mother nor wife, and for this I am grateful. This gives me the wonderful chance to keep learning from so many things, my kids, my husband, from friends and family. So be grateful that you aren't perfect. Let that be the chance that you can take advantage of.