the brink

Well, today was real. I would like to discuss the "brink". You know the "verge". The limit that you reach when you have had enough. Some people may handle it differently than some, no doubt about that. We are all different but today was another day for me to see myself react to my limits. I am not a big crowd person and there I was in a VERY large crowd. Jump mania in is not the place to go on a Saturday if you aren't into the crowd situation or the faint smell of urine. lol Anywhoo, well after that I picked up a car part for a "friend". It was on the other side of Springfield and in an area I had never been in. Meanwhile back at the ranch I had all three kids in the car with the emphasis on the 22 month old who was tired and hungry. I know I need it stamped on my forehead... K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid). So with the baby crying and saying hep hep (help) in the back seat I swing into McDonald's... THAT'S right.. you do what you gotta do. I did this so I could get him a drink and some fries so I could have a complete thought about where we would go eat. A restaurant with seats and not just a window that you talk to.... lol  Maybe an adult would speak to me. Even if it was to just take my order and glance at me in a desperate fashion. I didn't care. As long as it was someone over the age of 14 I didn't care. Finally after driving around looking for a not so busy place I found a small sandwich shop that seemed nice. IT was great... and we got the best seat in the house. The one that was closest to the bathroom (seriously). When you have 3 kids it is mandatory that you are close to a restroom and with baby # 4 on the way I need to be close just as much as the kids. We got our food and it was bliss! The car ride home.................. well lets just say it ended with me making the kids listen to jazz and me pulsing around like I had swallowed some sort of 80"s boom box. That  is how I deal with things. I just go ahead a jump right on off the cliff, no parachute, no second thoughts. Driving by people barely passing them while pushing myself into my seat and making a face like I am passing them at warp speed. Pulling up to someone on the interstate wearing a banana on the top rim of my glasses and arching my eye brows at them..... yes this is what dream are made of. Its not life changing for most but it sure changed my life at that point... the "brink" the "verge" my limit.

Thrive

There is something about a new blank piece of paper. I absolutely love a new note book, a new pen, new journal, or anything of this sort. I love the feeling of endless possibilities I get from it. The way is smells, feels, and the looks of it, so fresh and hopeful. Sometimes it intimidate me. I am a list maker. I LOVE a good list. I have lists for my lists. I have journals that have six entry's at most and then they stop because just as consistent as I am about making a list.... I am extremely inconstant with most things that matter. I have noticed things about myself that really turn me off. I cant seem to get out of the mental pajama state I am in. I can make lists like a mad professor but my follow through is always left lacking. I constantly set myself up for disappointment with my list making. I say all of this because I want you to know how completely and hopelessly hopeful I am about change.
There are so many things in my life I would love to change about myself, but not just to benefit myself. I want to change myself so I can be more for others. So I can make their life (and mine) more than what it is. I have always looked at people and said quietly to myself  "what if you were put in the best environment for you? How you would thrive! What would you have to offer? What differences in this world would you make?" That begs the return of a look back at self. I honestly feel that I have been given the best environment for me. I and I alone am choosing everyday what I do with it. I am the one that chooses if I thrive or merely survive. I must move! Complacency is a slow and painful death. IT doesn't boast of its dying. it just simply disappears. I DON'T want to survive. I want to thrive. I want to thrive in Gods kingdom. I want to thrive in and for my family. I want my marriage to thrive. I know all these things are possible through Christ. He said so in his word. His love letter to us. With him all things ARE possible. I will THRIVE in this life so I can wear a crown in the next one.
God Bless

I had written a new entry yesterday but it got deleated. I despiratley need to update my blog with pictures and such. Since my last (SAVED) entry I have had another beautifu baby boy and we have another on the way. That being said I will now go on with how much my life has changed since my blog. I will do this by simply telling you about my day and you can figure it out from there. :) I will warn you this blog with be grammatically incorrect and I would not like to be told about it. I have bigger fish to fry. lol Like chasing a toddler around before his diaper explodes with unmentionables
Today was better than the last. I am going to be honest, some days I would like to run away, but with sleep I am magicly better. lol Nothing a good nights sleep cant fix. When have kids..... its like magical ponies taking on a happy cloud of bliss. Maybe a bit far but you get the picture. I am only 12 weeks pregnant and I have decided to tell every one that I am pregnant with octupplets, due December 2014, and I am 50 years of age. Since this is all NOT true I guess my morals will get the best of me this time and I will have to tell the truth. The pregnancy hormones have taken over though. I am on baby #4 and I dont feel like hearing people and their unthought about remarks ( ARE YOU FEELING BIG YET!). Anyway...... Now that the pregnancy rant is over. (sorry about that) On to other things
I am in love with my children. I dont say this lightly. To watch the older one readding to our toddler, it simpley melts my heart. I have been given the greatest blessing that God can give. I watch as my 9 year old uses the furniture polish to create his own grafitti on the piano. Next was my 22 month old having to learn that when you spill the ziplock bag of surplus plastic knives you have to pick them up, no matter how long it takes. There are so many things we are all learning together and it is life. We all grow up together. Most times it isnt graceful or pretty. It lacks a certain luster known as patience. I am so glad that God is patient with us! And he always seems to had out grace and mercy so freely. I am glad to be here in this house with my children and my husband. This is my life and I am so blessed to be living it.
A rough start for my first entry in such a long time but it will have to do.