Ok for most of us that are moms there is always a # in our heads of just how many children we want. Well I have been batteling this # for quite some time, just ask Jeremy or April...lol I tormented them almost on a daily basis of what I should do. Well I fianlly broke down and prayed about it. Jesus please, You know what I can and cant handle. You know my heart better than I do (wich is a relief). If I am not suposed to have another baby please take this desire from me. In Jesus name.
Well He did. Now dont get me wrong I still look at little girls and think what if, but that is as far as it goes. It no longer pleagues my mind. I asked my self about it everyday. TO look into the eyes of a little girl that was jsut like me....scary and so precious all at the same time. But now I am ok with that. For some reason I had told myself that just because I had two kids that it made me less of a mom, 3 or more then you are a real mom, or since I only had boys. I am not sure where I get this stuff but that is just how I think. My house no longer holds a crib. I dont get to venture down the baby isle at the local stores anymore. Pretty soon I will not have to buy diapers any more (speaking in faith on that one). I think these are some of the reasons that I wanted another baby. My body and mind were jsut telling me it was time, but my heart wasnt in it. It is time for a new chapter in my life.
I have two beautiful boys and they are my world. I eat sleep and breath for them. I need them jsut as much as they need me. No matter how flustered I get with them they will always be my life.
Now for theme parks, soccer, little sticks, and family vacations with my FAMILY. Aidan, Allton, Jeremy, and Christy Lawson........The MOM of the whole parade. :)
Well.. you already know how I feel about this. soo... ya.What matters is that when your old and gray will you regreat this? If the answer is no.. then by all means STOP this cycle.. of ridonculousness. :) love you.
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