The Family Dog

Ok so a LOT had happened since the last time I blogged, but today I will speak of the "family dog". So if you are anyone that knows us at all we have had quite a few dogs in the last 10 years.....9 or 10 to be exact. We would get one, OH THE EXCITMENT!! Then reality would set in. The poor victim would nip, have to many accidents, shed, bark too much, become OVER protective, ect. Trying to find a dog that fits our busy and growing family is a challenge. I always hear that disapproving hesitation in peoples voice.... "another... dog....? What happened to the last dog" and I always reply with something quick and as painless as possible. I would even get to a point where I just quit telling people about our array of k-9 variety and just let them find out for themselves if or when they came over. I know it seems crazy, I know people think I should just give up, I have my hands too full anyway, and so on and so forth, but the truth is that this is the way I am. I am not sorry for wanting a dog for our little family. I am not sorry for having a dream of the kids playing outside with a little dog, growing up with a little friend who will just simply listen. I am not sorry for being a dreamer at times. SO  with that being said we are on dog # 10 I believe and right this min he is doing GREAT. That might change tomorrow but for now he is fine. If he isn't the one we will find him a happy home and keep up the search.
And a special thanks to my husband who puts up with these rollercoaster that I put us on. ITs all for the best dear. :)

the brink

Well, today was real. I would like to discuss the "brink". You know the "verge". The limit that you reach when you have had enough. Some people may handle it differently than some, no doubt about that. We are all different but today was another day for me to see myself react to my limits. I am not a big crowd person and there I was in a VERY large crowd. Jump mania in is not the place to go on a Saturday if you aren't into the crowd situation or the faint smell of urine. lol Anywhoo, well after that I picked up a car part for a "friend". It was on the other side of Springfield and in an area I had never been in. Meanwhile back at the ranch I had all three kids in the car with the emphasis on the 22 month old who was tired and hungry. I know I need it stamped on my forehead... K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid). So with the baby crying and saying hep hep (help) in the back seat I swing into McDonald's... THAT'S right.. you do what you gotta do. I did this so I could get him a drink and some fries so I could have a complete thought about where we would go eat. A restaurant with seats and not just a window that you talk to.... lol  Maybe an adult would speak to me. Even if it was to just take my order and glance at me in a desperate fashion. I didn't care. As long as it was someone over the age of 14 I didn't care. Finally after driving around looking for a not so busy place I found a small sandwich shop that seemed nice. IT was great... and we got the best seat in the house. The one that was closest to the bathroom (seriously). When you have 3 kids it is mandatory that you are close to a restroom and with baby # 4 on the way I need to be close just as much as the kids. We got our food and it was bliss! The car ride home.................. well lets just say it ended with me making the kids listen to jazz and me pulsing around like I had swallowed some sort of 80"s boom box. That  is how I deal with things. I just go ahead a jump right on off the cliff, no parachute, no second thoughts. Driving by people barely passing them while pushing myself into my seat and making a face like I am passing them at warp speed. Pulling up to someone on the interstate wearing a banana on the top rim of my glasses and arching my eye brows at them..... yes this is what dream are made of. Its not life changing for most but it sure changed my life at that point... the "brink" the "verge" my limit.

Thrive

There is something about a new blank piece of paper. I absolutely love a new note book, a new pen, new journal, or anything of this sort. I love the feeling of endless possibilities I get from it. The way is smells, feels, and the looks of it, so fresh and hopeful. Sometimes it intimidate me. I am a list maker. I LOVE a good list. I have lists for my lists. I have journals that have six entry's at most and then they stop because just as consistent as I am about making a list.... I am extremely inconstant with most things that matter. I have noticed things about myself that really turn me off. I cant seem to get out of the mental pajama state I am in. I can make lists like a mad professor but my follow through is always left lacking. I constantly set myself up for disappointment with my list making. I say all of this because I want you to know how completely and hopelessly hopeful I am about change.
There are so many things in my life I would love to change about myself, but not just to benefit myself. I want to change myself so I can be more for others. So I can make their life (and mine) more than what it is. I have always looked at people and said quietly to myself  "what if you were put in the best environment for you? How you would thrive! What would you have to offer? What differences in this world would you make?" That begs the return of a look back at self. I honestly feel that I have been given the best environment for me. I and I alone am choosing everyday what I do with it. I am the one that chooses if I thrive or merely survive. I must move! Complacency is a slow and painful death. IT doesn't boast of its dying. it just simply disappears. I DON'T want to survive. I want to thrive. I want to thrive in Gods kingdom. I want to thrive in and for my family. I want my marriage to thrive. I know all these things are possible through Christ. He said so in his word. His love letter to us. With him all things ARE possible. I will THRIVE in this life so I can wear a crown in the next one.
God Bless

I had written a new entry yesterday but it got deleated. I despiratley need to update my blog with pictures and such. Since my last (SAVED) entry I have had another beautifu baby boy and we have another on the way. That being said I will now go on with how much my life has changed since my blog. I will do this by simply telling you about my day and you can figure it out from there. :) I will warn you this blog with be grammatically incorrect and I would not like to be told about it. I have bigger fish to fry. lol Like chasing a toddler around before his diaper explodes with unmentionables
Today was better than the last. I am going to be honest, some days I would like to run away, but with sleep I am magicly better. lol Nothing a good nights sleep cant fix. When have kids..... its like magical ponies taking on a happy cloud of bliss. Maybe a bit far but you get the picture. I am only 12 weeks pregnant and I have decided to tell every one that I am pregnant with octupplets, due December 2014, and I am 50 years of age. Since this is all NOT true I guess my morals will get the best of me this time and I will have to tell the truth. The pregnancy hormones have taken over though. I am on baby #4 and I dont feel like hearing people and their unthought about remarks ( ARE YOU FEELING BIG YET!). Anyway...... Now that the pregnancy rant is over. (sorry about that) On to other things
I am in love with my children. I dont say this lightly. To watch the older one readding to our toddler, it simpley melts my heart. I have been given the greatest blessing that God can give. I watch as my 9 year old uses the furniture polish to create his own grafitti on the piano. Next was my 22 month old having to learn that when you spill the ziplock bag of surplus plastic knives you have to pick them up, no matter how long it takes. There are so many things we are all learning together and it is life. We all grow up together. Most times it isnt graceful or pretty. It lacks a certain luster known as patience. I am so glad that God is patient with us! And he always seems to had out grace and mercy so freely. I am glad to be here in this house with my children and my husband. This is my life and I am so blessed to be living it.
A rough start for my first entry in such a long time but it will have to do.

The Other Side of the World

Heading back home from a day at Silver Dollar City we crossed the bridge at Table Rock Dam. As we crossed you could see the Branson Bell out on the lake. I said " Hey, guys look at that! Do you see that BIG boat out on the lake?" Aidan replied, "HEY THAT LOOKS LIKE DADDY'S BOAT!" Then Allton,  "DADDY!!!!"  Alltons outstretched hands didn't make it any easier. I sighed and said "no guys that isn't daddy's boat. Daddy is in Singapore, on the other side of the world." "On the other side of the world" I said quietly to my self with another small sigh. Gripping the steering wheel in a desperate attempt to bring my self back from  mental travels, I realize how far "other side of the world" is. It is easy to go about your day, fill them up, count them down, slowly put them behind you.......but when you STOP.....it becomes a pill that is hard to swallow. It seems as though I have told myself that he is only an airplane flight away. At times I want to sit on the porch like a small child and wait for him to appear out of the distance, but I know I can't. I need to hold the fort down. I will tell myself, "Its only 8 more days." then I will suck it up and start moving forward once again until that wondrous day that we get to go PICK UP DADDY! :)

Breath. It's a new day.

Trying to compose your self under pressure isn't easy. I for one am terrible at this. I would like to fool myself into thinking that the only people that know this are Close friends, My best friends, and the occasional family member. Sounds like to many all ready. lol I am sure it is more like anyone I come in contact with that day.
We are constantly trying to plead our case in hopes of some reinforcement for our actions. However we fail to forget that we are still human and still surrounded by this world that could care less if we are good moms or bad moms. But make NO mistake they WILL tell you if they think you aren't upholding their standard of good. I am trying and that is all I can say today. I hope there are more that have those kinds of days.
When you wake up and you are sure that you just fell asleep, when you feel like hiding in a linen closet just to escape the circus, when you feel like all hope is lost and you can face another min.......... simply put yourself on auto pilot and know that tomorrow IS a NEW day! Gods grace is new each day and his mercy endures forever! So when you wake up and you feel like you can't do it all again today, just know that there is always someone out there wanting to take your place, who had to say goodbye to their little baby yesterday, who is in fear that they wont get to see their child ever again, or doesn't know where their baby is. Your day...MY day hasn't been that bad. My kids were sent to me for a blessing! God has said it in his word. He also tells us how to raise them so they can "rise up and call us blessed".  I love my children and I know they love me too. Thank you God for putting them in my life even though often times I would like to donate them to a Zoo. :)

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2:30 am we are up getting ready to head out the door to take Jeremy back to the airport. The slience is unsetteling, because you know that you are both thinking the same thing. "Is this job worth it?"  I try and keep calm and collected after tearing up over everything the evening before. All the thoughts that come to my mind are overwhelming and scary. I always have to remind my self that I will find my groove again and of all the things that I can get acomplished.
Jeremy is wondering around the house in a maner that sugests that he is going to forget something. He always gets up before the alarm to get ready and I am always the one trying to make it all last just a little longer. He tries to push things off untill the last minuite in a last ditch effort to make his stay at home seem longer. It never works.
Our biggest fear is the kids and how this job will effect them. They are all about their daddy! He cant leave their side when he is home. Our life is diffrent from most and it has its ups and downs.
The ride to the airport involves a lot of me passing out in the driver seat and looking like a druged out bobble head of some sort. Then I wake up and oppologise for falling asleep in out last few min together. Holding on to his arm untill it goes numb is always an option that I take FULL advantage of. Then we start to pull up to the airport.......I would like to scream out " YOU CANT HAVE HIM!" "HE IS OUR'S!" but then I remember just who I am and how I need to stay compossed for my family. Keep it together Christy!......That thought is always there. Then the time comes when he slowly gets out of the car....the kids start to realize jsut what is going on.....I feel a lump in my throught and my eyes begin to burn a little. I tell Jeremy "You are doing the right thing for your family." "We love you and will always be here for you when you come home." By this time we are all needing some one to hold us and a large box of puffs plus. He gives the kids a last hug and kiss good bye and then its my turn. I think if I hold on tight enough that he will decide that he cant go. Or maybe if I hold on long enough that I will feel his arms around me for the next 5 weeks, but it never works. The good bye kiss is the same way....Never long enough.
Ok now that I have made you all depressed..... I will say that all though it is really hard, we have the great blessing of getting to see just how important our time together really is. How pressious all the memories are that we make together. Never take your time with your family for granted.